Joy

Life is tough. Most days, I'm do pretty good. But there are occasionally days that are dark. I could choose to believe everything is hopeless. On those days I choose joy. Everywhere, there is at least one thing that can bring a smile to our face. I choose to seek it out.

Laughter doesn't negate compassion. It doesn't wipe out grief. It doesn't take away pain or fear. What it does do is give us the healing gift of joy for however many minutes we allow it to. Isn't that the loveliest thing you've heard today?

Losing My Mind

Getting older is...difficult. Of all the annoying things I've encountered, memory loss is the worst. I used to have a memory like the proverbial elephant. Now, I can't remember stuff I thought about this morning. Case in point--I worked out a fairly complete blog post (in my head). Had breakfast. Sat down at my computer and that blog post is totally wiped as though someone cleaned my brain with a blackboard eraser. Boom.

Before readers tell me to consult my doc STAT, been there, done that. Brain scans show nothing untoward. Best guess is some combination of medications causing brain fog. Lalalalal...

I write down stuff. As the memory has fuzzed up, my notes have grown more detailed. I used to be able to write a name/phone number down and when I glanced at them, instantly knew what the significance was. Hah. Now I write down the number, name, circumstances surrounding them, dates, etc., etc., etc. Still might have to puzzle over them for a while.

Dementia does run in my family but not until folks reach their late eighties generally. Sooooo looking forward to that--NOT. On the other hand, by then I'll have plenty of practice.

In the meantime, I'm discovering a whole new advantage to memory loss. When I re-read a book, it's like it's a brand new story. In fact, I may never have to buy a new book again. Time was I could recall the character's names, story plot and sub plots, and possibly even most of the actions. Heh. I might even remember the character's descriptions and the place the story took place in.

Yesterday, I read a Jonathan Kellerman book I've read previously, numerous times. Didn't recall anything about it until the last two chapters and then mostly had the details wrong. Interesting. It was a new experience for me. In the past, when I re-read a book it was because I looked forward to revisiting an old friend. Now it seems I'll have a host of new friends. Apparently, there are some upsides to aging.

Blessings.

Anny's Guidelines

We all have rules or tenets we live by. As we grow older, our rules might change...

1) It always rains or snows when you have an appointment. The farther you have to travel, the worse the weather.

2) If you desperately need to sleep in preparation for a medical test, you'll definitely be wide awake at three a.m.

3) Your severity of need for a bathroom is directly related to how far away the restroom is. If you're wandering around in a gigantic store like Costco or Sam's Club, it will always be in the opposite corner.

4) If you take your tablet or reader with you to wile away the time while you wait on your spouse at an appointment, it will run out of power five minutes after you turn it on. If you're in the car, you can change that to three minutes.

5) On the day you have fasting bloodwork, everyone in the city you live in will show up at the lab at the same time. Your number will be 87 and you'll finally get to eat around three p.m.

6) If you are nervously waiting for the result from a medical test, you'll hear from the doctor about three weeks later. If you're not really worried about the results, he/she will call you within twenty-four hours.

7) On the day you've planned to go out to eat with your spouse for a special occasion, you'll both wake up with upset stomachs. Immediately after you cancel your plans, you'll feel fine.

8) The weather/temperature outside or inside has nothing to do with whether you're hot and sweaty or cold and shivering. That always depends on your internal thermostat. It might be eighty and you're wrapped in an afghan, or it might be twenty while you're comfortably wearing shorts and a sports bra.

9) Preparing for an appointment, a walk in the park, or a shopping trip takes approximately four hours. It might take longer if you have to shave your mustache, color your hair, or find your shoes.

10) The number of medications you have to take each day directly determines how big your spread sheet is to help you manage them.

What are your rules?

Failure and Success

Writers (and other creative folks) struggle with the possibility of failure and success from the moment they conceive a new project. What is their definition of failure? How will they measure success?

My personal notion of success and failure is three-fold for either direction. The book is a success if I think of a story idea, bring it to completion, and publish it. The book is a failure if no one reads it, no one buys it, and it languishes in limbo.

The Makepeace Sword (my last book) was both a failure and a success. It sold less than ten copies total and received one review so it pretty much ticked all the boxes as they say on the Great British Bake-off.

I admit it's hard to see the positives when the negatives are so glaring, but I have to laugh when some writer is bemoaning their lack of sales because they only sold two thousand copies of their book. The truth is, in the current climate, those kinds of sales are on the high end. I can count on ten fingers all the authors I know who are extremely successful.

Some say people don't read anymore. I don't think that's true. I think two things happen. Some readers don't buy books anymore, re-reading their favorite books instead. Maybe they can't afford more books. Maybe they aim for a higher standard of writing when they spend their money. The other reason books don't sell is because folks don't value the work and time it takes to write.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard from readers who think I should (A) send them a free book because they're such a fan of mine, or (B) should lower the prices on my books (approximately $3) because they're too expensive. Then I think about all the stuff people spend money on--coffee, eating out, etc. and I shake my head. There's that lack of respect for what I do.

We talk about how our money is worth less, but it's pretty much our own fault. Something for nothing? I don't think so. I long ago decided I'll write for myself. I happen to like my stories, my blogs, my memories. And maybe, just maybe, I'll choose to allow the occasional reader to buy what I write.

Blessings.

Baggage

baggage~~ what someone with kids, debt or other problems brings to a relationship. 

Families. Sometimes you wonder about the general overall plan, don't you? My mom was memorialized on Friday. A surprising number of the family were able to attend, even though everyone lives sprawled across the country. 

Since I wasn't able to attend, naturally I received several reports about the family gathering. Not one report agreed with the next. With a lot of experience behind me from attending years of family get-togethers, I had zero expections that they would. One of my siblings expressed concern about that and this is what I said.

Point of view. How we experience an event depends so much on our past and the mounds of baggage we insist on dragging around with us. 

For some reason, likely because we base our ideas on the undependable media, we choose to believe a family unit is perfect. Sacred. Inviolate. The reality is far removed from that ideal. Some families are fortunate enough to strike close to that ideal, but the vast majority are all at the other end of the span. 

Past traumas, personality clashes, different lives and even wide age differences can affect how we view our family members. I know several siblings that absolutely can't stand each other. Such is life. If another family member is toxic, then I'm all for moving on. I can only control or deal with my own baggage--not everyone else's.

Here's the deal. In those rare times when we all join together to celebrate or mourn, are we mature enough to be civil? 

If not, then at least be mature enough to stay away. And take a moment to remember your baggage is your own. And it always affects your point of view.