Thursday, July 17, 2008

Thirty years ago today...

Thirty years ago today I was not having much fun. Labor and delivery are never fun, no matter how many drugs they give you. In my case, though my water broke, there were no accompanying contractions or labor pains. Zip, zilch, nada. So the doc whistled up some meds to get things going.

Except that nothing happened. At fifteen minutes to twelve he came in, checked my progress, (still three centimeters) and announced that he'd reserved an OR for six p.m. as one way or the other, the baby had to be delivered that day. So I nodded my head and off he went to get lunch.

And immediately the first pain slammed into me like a freight train. I sent the househunk after the doc but he was too late. Doc was already on the elevator. So he went on down to the nurse's station and told the supervisor that I needed the doctor. She was there alone. I was the only patient on the floor (and clearly I wasn't doing anything interesting) so she sent the rest of the staff to lunch.

So she trotted down to my room needle and fresh gown in hand. The fresh gown was because mine was soaked (apparently I had been carting around a swimming pool in my belly) and the needle was to calm me down since clearly I was getting over-excited.

I rather pithily informed her that I wasn't over-excited. I was in labor, a totally different case--and the baby was coming now! When she still thought she ought to give me a shot, I told her to go get the doctor if she didn't want to deliver the baby herself. This was number four--not number one and I had just a tad of experience.

With an impatient sigh she told me that first we would get me warm and dry, then she would check to see how far along I was. So I peeled off the sodden gown, rolled over to get the tail of it out from under me and she shrieked. Oh my God, the baby's coming! Well, duh! She could see the baby's head.

What happened next defies belief. Remember. I don't have anything on at this point. Sheets and blankets are on the floor because she's gonna give me dry bedding. She ripped all the hook-ups for the fetal monitor, etc. out of the wall, released the brake on the bed and rolled me down the hall to the delivery room.

Stark naked.

The househunk is struggling to put on the gown that they insisted he wear in the delivery room, running down the hall with the sleeves flapping. People are standing in the doorways wondering what's going on.

In the delivery room she's yelling, "Don't push, don't push!" while she urging me over onto the delivery table. Then she runs down the end and says "Okay, push! I've got it!"

And that's how my daughter was born at 12:05 p.m... twenty minutes after my doctor checked me.

I bent the bed rails on the labor room bed badly enough that they had to be replaced. How do I know? The maintenance guy stopped by my room two days later to see what kind of giant had done that much damage. Needless to say, he was disappointed.

So my baby girl is thirty today. Time passes swiftly. But memories are forever.


Woo-hoo! On Friday, Kama Sutra Lovers will be released from Ellora's Cave. As part of the celebrations for our new releases, Amarinda and I are launching The Amarinda and Anny Contest

What could be better than kicking back with a good book? Winning two books - one from Amarinda Jones – Knock Three Times and one from Anny Cook – Kama Sutra Lovers. Fantastic. You want more? Be the envy of all with two hand made hair piks to adorn your locks. But wait – there’s even more! How about munching on a delicious care pack of Aussie treats? One lucky reader will win all of this.

How do you win this fantastic prize? Go to and and answer an easy question -

If trapped on a deserted island what two things could Anny and Amarinda not live without? The answers can be found on the websites. As soon as you have them email with your answers – there will be 4 in all.

The contest starts 18th July and closes midnight 23rd July 2008 (USA EST). The first correct entry drawn at random will win the prize. Good luck.


  1. LMBO...tears rolling. Visualizing you being wheeled NAKED down the hallway. What a memory. Happy birthday to your daughter but I always reserve a little Happy "birth" day for the mama too. It just seems appropriate, doesn't it?

  2. I shouldn't laugh...but I were starkers! Absolutely the best laugh I have had today

  3. I can see it, nekkid you with the nurse and the househunk running along behind, fighting with the gown. Thanks Anny!

  4. Ah people can be such idiots. She's lucky you bent the bed and not her spine. Happy birthday to your baby.

  5. ROFLMAO! What a birth story! Happy birthday to your daughter:)

    I didn't bend any bed rails, but my hubby still swears there are ruts in his thigh where I grabbed him during a contraction!

  6. And that's what started a long naked career with adornments like barbells to spice up the nakee visual. NOW IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

  7. OMG Anny! That gives a whole new visual to "natual childbith." ;)

    Happy Birthday to your baby girl!!!

  8. Sooooo glad that entertained y'all. It was quite an adventure. And I even left out a few things. Maybe another time. That kid was an adventure from beginning to end.

  9. Oh Anny, I laughed myself silly at you being wheeled down the hall stark naked and if I remember the no drug delivery correctly, you probably could have cared less whether you had on clothes or not at that point regardless of who you were wheeled by in the hall.
    Happy bday to the daughter:)

  10. Happy birthday to your little girl.

    What a time you had! My first labor wasn't progressing very well and they put me on Pitocin to induce my labor. My doctor was threatening to take the baby, too, if the labor didn't get harder. Then a new doctor came on duty and pushed up the Pitocin until I gave natural birth.

  11. Happy Birthday to your daughter. What a delivery. LOL. But I bet you weren't laughing at the time.

  12. Nope, Mona, I can't say that I was. But that's the wonderful thing about time. It lends a new perspective.

  13. OMG. Not exactly a story I think I needed to hear. Funny as hell, sort of... but scary to think of the nurse ignoring you.

  14. Anny,

    LOL, also the tears rolling down my face, it was 30 years ago...Otherwise I don't think you would have shared that little story. Happy B-day to your girl. I hope you enjoy having them for the weekend.