Thursday, January 21, 2010

Bouncing Boobs, Beltway Ballet

I rarely go more than five or six miles away from home. Yet in the last five days, I've been on the Baltimore Beltway three times. Driving on the Beltway is similar to watching a ballet zoom by at seventy miles an hour. Some cars swoop gracefully from lane to lane with apparent ease. Others sort of stutter dance uncertainly, hedging their bets until the last moment. And of course there are the ones I call the anchor cars. They're the ones that find a lane and stick to it through thick, thin, fast and slow until it's time to exit.

Though I'm pretty much an anchor car type driver, I rarely have to step on the brake because I like to be observant enough to notice that the cars up ahead are slowing down. And therefore, I am really annoyed by drivers that spend their entire time on the Beltway pumping their brakes. That's one of my all time pet peeves. If you're gonna stop, then darn it, stop. Otherwise drive! If you're constantly having to slow down, it's probably because you're too close! And therefore you're driving too fast!

Yeah, don't get me started...

Anyway, I suppose you want to know about the bouncing boobs part. See, I wear a sports bra. I'm, um, in need of some hydraulic lift and support. And sports bras are supposed to keep you in place, so to speak. Note that word supposed to.

So we're barreling down the Beltway with the boobs bouncing merrily along as though I was jumping on a trampoline. Boomdity, boomdity, boom. And I'm thinking if this is the way I bounce around while driving down the road, what happens when I go for a walk?

I mean, for real--isn't this what these flipping snug sports bras are for? 'Cause truthfully my main goal in life is not to spend time having my boobs squashed flat. Just sayin'... Anyone else had this happen? What's up with that?

Anyway, that's my bit for today. Hope y'all have a good one!



  1. I remember my Driver's Ed teacher saying that the only time you should see brake lights on the freeway is if there's a MAJOR accident ahead -- they should NOT be used to control speed. I try to follow that rule.

    As to the boobies: I've never had much luck with SBs. They're either too constricting or too loose. I finally found a style that's comfortable (Warner's, style #02055, one of those 'padded' kinds that keeps you from showing how cold you feel it is in the room). It keeps the girls happy and, more importantly, it keeps my shoulders happy. I used to be far larger than I am (long story), so I can sympathize with the bounce...

  2. I'm soooo glad I don't live in a place where traffic is a problem.

  3. still chuckling over the visuals... and SB's only provide support for those who don't need any.

  4. Boobs - what idiot, at the time of creation, thought they were a good idea?

  5. Hilarious! Actually, compared to California, your freeways are a breeze!!!

  6. Everytime I go to the Cities and have to drive in traffic I just flip out and pray to get through it and return to my 'no stoplight' town! Traffic is a killer, I swear.

    SB's....OMG, must wear one all the time. I had to buy one of those extra protection--no bounce numbers for horseback riding and let me tell you, it's the only bra I've ever had that actually works.

    Yes, Cin...the visual was great!