Saturday, February 19, 2011

Sex is Boring

First let me hasten to say that is not a personal statement about my private life...

Had you going there, didn't I? Actually, I thought I would write about the many erotic romance writers who complain about how bored they are with writing sex scenes. My take on that? A) Maybe they should write a non-erotic genre story. Or B) Maybe the characters aren't interested in having sex.

I am no doubt gonna get bopped on the head for saying this, but realllly? Maybe your female characters would rather have a sinful chocolate dessert. Or a decadent candle-lit bubble bath. Maybe your male characters would rather have a beer and watch football. Or maybe he would rather have sex...

I have a confession. I don't plan when my characters are going to jump in the sack...or bend over the kitchen table...or whatever. I just pretty much follow along and they carry on with life. Sometimes they do boring stuff like paint their nails or build a fence. That's the way life is. Sometimes couples have this out-of-control screw-me-quick-against-the-wall thing going on. And other times, they kinda wish their partner would spend a week in Timbuktu.

As a reader, I like to see both sides of the mattress, you know? For one thing, it makes me feel like the characters might be real. I'll never forget reading about a woman who'd had a bad day. Sick kids, broken washing machine, sink overflowing with dirty dishes...and the guy comes in and says, "How about it?"

And her answer? (Come on, now, ladies! What would your answer be?) No, no, no. She says, "Oh, baby, I love when you growl like that."

Huh? What planet is this woman from?

OR how about the guy who's shot all to hell, beaten within an inch of his life, bleeding all over and??? His ladylove jumps him in bed. Hmmm. If I was him, I'd be tossin' her out the window. In the snow. Stark naked.

Here's what I'm suggesting. If your characters seem a little recalcitrant about making whoopee, it might be because they're tired. Or hungry. Or they just want to cuddle on the couch. Maybe it's time to let our characters decide something this personal. That's what I do. And I don't ever find it boring because they're just carrying on without me.

What about you? How do you deal with boring sex?

anny

20 comments:

  1. Thank you for posting this. It's absolutely true, and I don't think it's something that enough writers, (or readers for that matter), realize. I hate it when people think that writing erotic scenes is the same as just writing porn. This isn't "oh look it's the "pizza guy," and he wants SEX? Why SURE!" What makes a story good is how real the characters and their interactions and their backstory feel. The combination of those is what can make a story so STEAMY. :-)

    <3 Gina Blechman

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  2. I have written romance lately, and there was a lot of tension through the whole novel, so by the end they were REARING TO GO. but I didn't actually write the sex scene (I just imagined it in my head. noice! :D). Still, that's my take on my non-erotic writing.

    I loved those examples you mentioned - yeah if I was that woman I would have said "How about NO, you dumb arse?" lol

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  3. Yep - writing sex is boring. It's mechanical and dull putting it on paper as opposed to being spontaneous and in the moment and not thinking about where hands are.

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  4. This is a great post Anny. Next time I'm having trouble writing a sex scene, I'll take a second look and see if she should be eating a hot caramel sundae instead! :)

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  5. I never get tired - either of sex or writing it. But I have decided to try something a little different and write a paranormal with mostly behind closed doors sex scenes - just for a change of pace.
    I gotta agree with you - how many guys who just got shot are up for it???

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  6. I think this is symptomatic of having a genre all about...sex. We all run out of inspiration or frankly, just don't feel like it (it'd be interesting to see if we wrote hotter scenes while we're ovulating :P).

    That said, I rather enjoy being, ahem, re-inspired.

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  7. Hi Anny. Found you through the crusade.

    Great post. And too true!

    As for what I do... I try to pull it back to the emotion of the scene as opposed to the action. Either that, or like you suggested, have them go do something else.

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  8. Hello, Gina! Love this line: This isn't "oh look it's the "pizza guy," and he wants SEX? Why SURE!"

    It's so true. That reduces the act to something considerably less than romance, doesn't it?

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  9. Heh, Trisha! I've been there and yeah, that's exactly what I said... along with some other colorful stuff. ;-)

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  10. Hey, Amarinda. This is true. However, if we're gonna write it, then it's best if we're not bored!

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  11. Hot caramel sundae...sounds so delicious, Amber. Yummmm. You know...that might almost be better than sex.

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  12. Hi, Julia! I think if more of us took time off to write something that had less to do with sex, we would have a point of refreshing for when we go back to that! Looking forward to reading your new story!

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  13. Hey, Lucy! Thanks for stopping by. And here's to "inspiration"!

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  14. Hi, Kristen! Welcome! Emotion is a great way to decide whether it's the right time or not. If not? Maybe they should go for a walk!

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  15. I'm with you. I like to see characters getting to know each other without their hormones in overdrive.

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  16. I don't mind the overdrive. But if we have to struggle to get them in overdrive, then perhaps they aren't ready.

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  17. Hi fellow crusader! Great post - I think some sensuality and sexual tension makes for realism before they just have at it!

    That sundae sounded good though....

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  18. Hello, Margo! Thanks for dropping by! Didn't that sundae sound wonderful? Seriously considering finding an ice cream shop.

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  19. Hi! I'm a fellow crusader and new follower. Nice to meet you.

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  20. Hi, Margo! Another Margo. Cool! Nice to meet you!

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