Bathing suits. Bathing suits for the zaftig woman are...limited. When you find one that fits, you grab it immediately. Almost all of them have stretchy underpinnings that help you suck in the gut. And that's wonderful when you're pulling it on over your hills and valleys when the suit is bone dry.
But occasionally, you have to make that emergency trip to the ladies room. Obviously, the suit has to go. And the trip down to the knees is pretty easy. However, the return trip requires what I call the Swimsuit Wiggle.
First you pull the suit up as high as it will go. Then you gather it up in your hands (one hand on each side) and tug while wiggling your tush (and most of the rest of you). It's roughly like trying to put on a wet girdle.
It wouldn't be bad if you had room to maneuver, but if you recall the reason for taking off the suit in the first place, you'll also realize that you're most likely standing in a tiny stall with zero room for movement. So while you're wiggling and jiggling and tugging on a darned suit that's sticking to your skin like it was superglued on, you're also whacking your elbows on the walls... the toilet paper holder... the door... and hoping that you don't slip on the wet floor and end up spreadeagled on the toilet.
For some ungodly reason, the bathroom/shower room is freezing--even in the height of summer. Goosebumps ripple over your jiggly curves giving the Swimsuit Wiggle another dimension.
Eventually, you either end up with the suit slithered in place--or you call for help. I seriously considered calling for my granddaughter to come and help me dress and that would have been the final humiliation. But just as I was almost ready to give up, the suit let go of its iron grip on my cellulite and snapped into place like a rubber band.
Dignity almost intact, I returned to the pool determined to never ever go swimming again after drinking an entire bottle of water!
Excellent beach reading!!! Lonestar Lycan by Regina Carlysle is available today. This is wonderful. Don't miss it!
She came to dusty west
Joe McKinnon, alpha of the
Reader Advisory: Includes a scintillating M/F/M ménage scene. Enjoy!