Sunday, August 5, 2007

Do I know you?

"I want to know you so completely I finish your sentences."--Prophecy of Vithan by Charlene Leatherman. For more on the Prophecy of Vithan, tune in tomorrow when Charlene is my guest author and my mini-review is Prophecy of Vithan.

I suppose I'm dating myself, but years ago there used to be a television show called the Newlywed Game. The entire premise centered around how well the couple knew each other. I'm foggy on the details, but I believe they had to be married less than a year. The emcee would ask questions. The contestants had to guess how their spouse would answer the questions. Needless to say, they didn't often guess correctly. Except, of course, when the question was about how often he wanted sex. Duh. They never seemed to get that one wrong. Newlyweds, right?

I swear I'm not being sexist when I say that the ladies guessed correctly more often than the men. My observation was that when one of the men really "knew" his wife well, that couple won. What I found interesting was that the questions were very simple, mostly requiring awareness.

"What will your wife say is her favorite color?" One guy said pink.

His wife smacked him with her little cardboard placard. "Pink? Pink? Is there anything pink in the entire apartment? What color are the towels in the bathroom? What color are the sheets? Pink? No!"

"Ooooh!" You could see the light bulb go off. "Purple?"

The interesting thing is that it isn't only newlyweds who don't know their partners, best friends, children, parents. Do you know what either of your parents really wanted to be when they grew up? Do you know what secret dreams they had for their lives? What about your children? Do you know their favorite colors?

How about that best friend--the one you confide everything to--what's her or his secret fear? What's her secret dream? What's her favorite ice cream flavor?

If you needed to know, could you say what kind of medications your spouse is taking? And how often? What was his secret dream for his future when you met? How has that changed over the years? Boxers or briefs? Or a combination?

What about her? Silk or cotton? Or lace? Does she like her tea hot or cold? Milk or lemon? Eggs over easy or scrambled? What did she want to be when she grew up? How close is she to achieving her dreams?

None of the answers are hard. Really. All they require is genuine interest instead of the self absorption so common today. If there is one thing that technology has changed in relationships, I think that it is the paradoxical lack of communication between friends, lovers, parents, and children. The very things touted to enhance communication have increased isolation.

They can be used to get to know those close to us. My children are spread across the USA. I use the internet and telephone to keep in touch. But if I'm not careful, it's the shallow stuff that gets communicated. How are you? What are you doing? How are the kids?

If things of substance are going to be discussed, someone has to start that conversation. And most likely, it won't be the other guy. Do you really know what your spouse's spiritual beliefs are? Or do you assume he/she believes the same things you do because you go to the same church? Do you agree on important issues like politics, religion, child rearing? Do you know what the other thinks about hot button issues like war, abortion, insurance...?

I challenge you today find out one new thing about each person that touches you, be it child, friend, parent, or significant other. Now there's a phrase for you. How can they be significant if you don't know them? Anyway, I digress. Hmmm. One new thing about every single person you value. Get back to me with what you found out.


PS: Today is our day off from the Crazy Blog Serial. Make sure you check out the new episodes each day. Monday and Thursday at Kelly Kirch
Tuesday and Friday at Amarinda Jones
Wednesday and Saturday at or That's ME!


  1. If people stop and listen they learn...we all don't listen enough as we are too busy therefore we miss the important clues

  2. So answer the questions Anny, AJ. For me: Chocolate ice cream every time, no favorite color, favorite number 5, cat person all the way, and I once dated a guy in college who became a monk when we broke up (note to self...internal debate about personality if prior boyfriend was monk and husband is minister and what that signifies).

  3. Chocolate almond chip ice cream, favorite color wavers back and forth between deep purple and turquoise (once had a bedroom painted turquoise), I have both a cat and a dog, secret fear is that I'm really not as good a writer as I think I am, secret dream is to have Nora Roberts admit that she reads all my books.

    And finally, my present husband is the only person I ever dated...or did anything else "interesting" with.

  4. Ice-cream flavour depends on mood, favourite colour is black, favourite number 13, I loathe cats, have never dated a monk, too busy for men at the monment and as for secret fears - I have none. I refuse to be scared

  5. Anny, same "interesting" boat as you. And I still haven't settled between green and deep blue as favorites. Fears? One involving my writing and what it would do to my husband's vocation. It's a biggie but it's there.

    AJ, I would have thought for sure, red. 13 doesn't surprise me in the least and sometimes the best badboys aren't bad at all, they're least, outside the bedroom. Still think you need to find a man of the cloth. Or at least a man wearing a cloth? Loin or otherwise.