Saturday, June 6, 2009

Gurl Cliques

What is it about girls? They're all about clubs. Or cliques. Or groups. Or whatever they want to call it. And if you don't belong to that group, don't know the secret password, then you're bat guano.

It usually starts with a group of individuals who have some experience in common, say the military. Guys--and gals--who've been in the military belong to this nebulous club. Primarily, that's because the rest of us cannot share in the experience that they've had.

But there are other groups that are more finite and better defined. Remember the Pink Ladies from Grease? All those gals with a pink jacket belonged to the group. That musical was about kids in High School.

I wonder why we're still bound by high school social mores. I'm nearly sixty years old. Why would I want to be constrained by the limits of a club, group, loop, or clique? Why am I supposed to limit my friends only to those that are part of any given group?

It seems to me that with maturity should come the ability to make friends from all walks of life. And once those friends are chosen, no one should feel that they have the power to determine who shall or shall not be my friend. Do all of my friends have to get along? That's up to them. One thing I've learned over the years is that not everyone is compatible. So be it.

Exclusivity for me is reserved for marriage.



  1. My theory has always been 'be your own group' - in the end it's easier than dealing with toss pots...

  2. Everyone wants to feel like they belong. If you are part of a group or clique, then you get that feeling.

    It's one of the primary ways cults and neo-Nazi type groups recruit people. They look for outsiders and give them a place where they belong.

    Girls' (or guys') cliques are less sinister, but it's the same theory. Security, trust, someone who's got your back. Making the group exclusive is just plain mean, though.

  3. I guess I was ahead of my time...I read a book in the 4th or 5th grade and learned what a clique was (even though I couldn't pronounce it!) and decided to never join one.

    Therefore, in Jr high, was left out of a lot of things.

    But in HS, I was a unique individual whose best guy friend was on the basketball team and an honor student; I was in the flag corps and played percussion; one of my best girl friends was an unwed mom who'd had a baby at age 14; I worked in the library with a guy who admitted to me he smoked pot; and went to the prom with a guy who had his driver's license suspended due to drinking and driving! I made friends in almost every group.

    But Elissa's right; it's about feeling you belong, and are accepted.

    Until you 'wake up' the character in that book and in the movie Mean Girls.

  4. I have a theory that we never out-grow the eighth grade (14 year olds for those not in the US educational system). No matter how old we get, how "mature" there are essential elements of our social nature that are forever fixed at this point of development.