Sitting

Recently, I've spend a lot of time just...sitting. Sleeping. Thinking powerful thoughts that evaporate faster than alcohol in a high wind. I know I've had important ideas but they fade away before I can fix them in my brain.

This is a function of medication few people acknowledge. Oh, once in a while someone will mention how fuzzy their brain seems to be. But most folks don't seem to realize how very much daily meds influence our accomplishments. I've noticed an increasing difficulty where it affects my writing, my short term memory, my loss of function.

This last round of medication when I was sick took that a step further...vertigo. So, not only was I brain fuzzy. Whenever I tried to navigate from room to room, I wasn't always certain I was going to arrive unscathed. I ended up with a large bruise on my belly. When my doctor asked what happened, I was unsure. Hmph. I no doubt walked into something.

Every morning I carefully document how I'm feeling. Through the day, I add updates and what meds I've taken. And there is a definite correlation between mood/attitude and medication. Today, I discussed this issue with my doctor. She estimates the vertigo will fade away by this weekend. Was there a choice? No.

But I submit that most folks take whatever meds are offered without investigating the possible side effects. Sometimes you have to take the trade-off. I know my current crop is necessary to keep me alive. But the trade-off can be devastating when you're not expecting it. And there are days when I wonder at the prospect of spending the rest of my life sitting, thinking vanishing thoughts, is worth the trade-off.

anny