Living

Today the hunk is going to make bread. I'll sit on a chair in the dining room and offer advice. Three weeks ago, I would have made the bread myself while he played computer games, but life is all about change.

During the last three weeks, I've learned a lot about change. Then I could walk around our parking lot. Using a cane. Now, there are days I can barely make it from my office to the bathroom. What changed? A pinched nerve in my back. Something small that affects every hour of my life.

Thousands of people live with debilitating pain every day. Maybe even millions. In the past when I've gone to various doctors for various issues, I've filled out questionnaires about how my particular complaint of the day is affecting my life. For instance, when I go to the pulmonologist, I fill out a paper asking how my breathing issues affect what I can do each day. Are these effects every day? Every week? All the time?

Up to now, regardless of the issue, I've been pretty smug in stating there were negligible effects. But that was then and this is now. Now...well, things are different. Today I have to work up the courage to stand up because I know halfway up there will be fierce shooting pain until I'm completely upright. And then, every step will be uncertain until I reach my goal. At the other end (chair, toilet, bed) it all works in reverse. What fun.

I've learned a few things about living (as opposed to life) in the last few weeks. Living takes effort. Living is moving, even when it hurts. Living is doing everything possible. And living is accepting help.

I'm not much on asking for assistance. I was the original I-can-do-it-myself! individual, but now I can't. So the hunk does it and I watch. Ohhhhh, that burns, doesn't it? Well, I've discovered the world didn't stop turning. His bread tastes as good as mine. Nothing bad happens if he slices the bread thicker than I do. And when he rubs BenGay on the sore bits, it feels wonderful.

I do what I can, which I admit isn't much. And what I can't do, I'm thankful to say the hunk does. I am blessed. Every day. And I live, one day at a time.