Funny. When you make a friend over the internet, you have an image in your mind of the way they look. Your image is based on those little hints of their personality that they allow to enter their posts or e-mails. Are they perky? Are they cranky? Do they snap or crackle or pop with impatience? Are they so vague you want to scream in frustration?
And then you meet them. It's amazing how quickly you assimilate their true image and meld the two together. Suddenly there is a complete person there when you read their posts and e-mails. That vague impression is swept away forever and the real person is set in it's place.
In the past week I've met many of my internet friends. There was a whirling rush of impressions--laughter, annoyance, anger, excitement, hope, worry--all swirling around in dizzying speed. There are snapshots in my mind that are more vivid than the sharpest photograph. Cindy in her dragon's wings. Bronwyn in her beautiful gown for the vampire ball. Brynn walking across the stage on the arm of a hunk. Judith glowing with accomplishment after her interview with K. Duffy.
A little over a year ago we were all strangers, slowly revealing ourselves as we grew more comfortable with each other, hesitantly sharing secrets as we built shaky bridges of trust. It has been a process of two steps forward and one step back. There are uncomfortable moments when we step off the path of good taste or too much information because without facial cues, it's sometimes difficult to know where the boundaries are.
Yet I smile when I remember each of them. Funnily enough, our meeting was one of the first times in my life when I had no responsibility for any individual's behavior except my own. It was a liberating experience to be in a large group of friends without any old memories dragging me down. I was free to form impressions and just enjoy.
There is the tendency in such a group for everyone to feel responsible for everyone else. Are they lonely? Do they need company? Should we ask them to sit at our table? But this was a group of mature adults, each of them capable of taking care of themselves. And so any togetherness was simply for the joy of being together.
Too soon Saturday arrived and the goodbyes began. Too soon. Suddenly, there seems to be so much that we didn't say. So many things we wanted to share. Where did the time go?
Perhaps what we forgot was that the internet with e-mail and posts is still available. Only now we will be comfortable with those messages, tapped out quickly between a mug of coffee and the morning paper. Why? Because now we can see the face of a friend.
Anny
Seems so difficult to get back into the groove, doesn't it? Don't forget to drop by Kelly's Blog and Amarinda's Place... and of course the OhGetAGrip blog where we're still catching up. Blessings on your day.
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friends. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Thoughts on Friendship
Forsake not an old friend; for the new is not comparable to him: a new friend is as new wine; when it is old, thou shalt drink it with pleasure. Ecclesiastes 9:10
A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping and with a breath of kindness blow the rest away.~~Arabian Proverb
Do not use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.~~Chinese Proverb
Similarities create friendships while differences hold them together.~~Unknown
If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone; one should keep his friendships in constant repair.~~Samuel Johnson
Friendships are fragile things, and require as much handling as any other fragile and precious thing.~~Randolph S. Bourne
If a friend makes a mistake, don't rub it in... rub it out.~~Unknown
A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.~~William Shakespeare
Friendship, of course, is not a one way street. It is the give and take of support, sympathy, encouragement, love, laughter, and tears. It is a terrifying drive to the hospital in an emergency. It's a surprise anniversary party. It's a leisurely afternoon meal at a new restaurant. It's an encouraging word in the face of depression. Most of all, it's simply being there.~~Anny Cook
Anny
Please check out Amarinda's Place and Kelly's Blog for words of wisdom. Blessings on your day!
Friday, December 28, 2007
You Can't Go Home
Every time I move, I go through the same process. You would think that I would eventually catch on, but apparently I'm a slow learner. Several years after the fact, I will make a pilgrimage to the "old" job, neighborhood, town only to finally realize that I have no place there.
I suppose it's almost like the grieving process. It'a a final acknowledgement that the separation is final. Weird. Intellectually, I've known for many years now that I would never really go back, but today, it really hit home. I was in a foreign land.
I went to my old place of employment to meet a former co-worker for lunch. During the period we worked together we knew each other so well we knew what size underwear the other one wore. We shared a job. When our department was between directors, my friend and I kept the department running. We shored each other up through some of our darkest personal days.
She's still my friend and always will be. But both of us have moved on with our lives. Both of us have experienced huge changes in the intervening years. Sadly, we've grown apart. Like separated spouses, we were vaguely uncomfortable with each other, wondering what to talk about. We no longer share common experiences.
I have moved frequently enough (forty one times) to know that this is the normal process. But each time it saddens me. That camaraderie is gone and I feel the loss. It diminished my spirit a bit to say good-bye, knowing that both of us were just a tad relieved that the visit was over.
My daughter asked if I was sorry that I arranged the visit. After a bit of thought, I can say, "No." I'm glad I went today. I'm glad that we had that short time together. If I grieve a little tonight, it isn't for the past, but for the future. Time grows shorter for both of us, each in our own little world. I rejoice for the time we had together...even knowing that I can't go home.
Anny
Kelly's on the road again, but may snatch a chance to update us, so check http://www.kkirch.blogspot.com/ and Amarinda is practicing her gymnastics tumbles and so far she needs just a bit more practice so check her out at http://www.amarindajones.blogspot.com/ As always blessings on your day!
I suppose it's almost like the grieving process. It'a a final acknowledgement that the separation is final. Weird. Intellectually, I've known for many years now that I would never really go back, but today, it really hit home. I was in a foreign land.
I went to my old place of employment to meet a former co-worker for lunch. During the period we worked together we knew each other so well we knew what size underwear the other one wore. We shared a job. When our department was between directors, my friend and I kept the department running. We shored each other up through some of our darkest personal days.
She's still my friend and always will be. But both of us have moved on with our lives. Both of us have experienced huge changes in the intervening years. Sadly, we've grown apart. Like separated spouses, we were vaguely uncomfortable with each other, wondering what to talk about. We no longer share common experiences.
I have moved frequently enough (forty one times) to know that this is the normal process. But each time it saddens me. That camaraderie is gone and I feel the loss. It diminished my spirit a bit to say good-bye, knowing that both of us were just a tad relieved that the visit was over.
My daughter asked if I was sorry that I arranged the visit. After a bit of thought, I can say, "No." I'm glad I went today. I'm glad that we had that short time together. If I grieve a little tonight, it isn't for the past, but for the future. Time grows shorter for both of us, each in our own little world. I rejoice for the time we had together...even knowing that I can't go home.
Anny
Kelly's on the road again, but may snatch a chance to update us, so check http://www.kkirch.blogspot.com/ and Amarinda is practicing her gymnastics tumbles and so far she needs just a bit more practice so check her out at http://www.amarindajones.blogspot.com/ As always blessings on your day!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Christmas Eve Tacos
We have tacos every Christmas Eve. Why? As a remembrance of friendship above and beyond the usual. In this vignette, I tell the story.
PS: I've lost touch with Linda and Lester and can't locate them. Linda B., on the way off chance you read this, drop me a note at anny@annycook.com !
Christmas 1981. We lived in Houston, Texas, far from our families. My dad called to tell my husband that he needed to come home. My husband's father was very ill. We could not afford for everyone to go and our daughters were both in bed with the flu. We decided that he would take our sons with him (mostly because I knew that he would have to make frequent stops if they were along). When they arrived in Chicago, my parents planned to take the boys to Indiana to stay with them.
I was fine until Christmas Eve. Then the loneliness engulfed my. My friends were all busy with their extended family gatherings. My extended family lived far away. My daughters were sleeping the holidays away, too sick to care if they had gifts or not. I was feeling underprivileged and deprived as I stood at my kitchen counter eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
The telephone rang. My friend, Linda, inquired about my plans for the evening. I admitted that I did not have much planned except a shower and bed. She told me to get my purse and coat ready. Lester, her husband, was already on the way over to pick up my girls and me. We were invited to her home for the evening. I protested that the girls were sick. She pointed out that they could sleep at her house as well as mine.
When Lester arrived, we wrapped the girls in blankets and carried them out to the car. The trip to their home was short so the girls slept through the journey and were soon cozily asleep in bed. We spent the evening quietly, playing board games, eating tacos, and singing along with Handel’s Messiah. It was a lovely peaceful evening. Just after midnight, Lester drove us home.
On Christmas Eve our family has tacos as a remembrance of that Christmas Eve spent with loving, compassionate friends. Of all of my friends, they were the ones who saw my need and acted. It was an action made more remarkable because they were Jehovah’s Witnesses, who do not believe in observance of holidays… not even Christmas.
A miracle.
Anny
PS: I've lost touch with Linda and Lester and can't locate them. Linda B., on the way off chance you read this, drop me a note at anny@annycook.com !
Do you want to win some fantastic holiday reading? If so come celebrate the Twelve days of Romance with 12 authors from Ellora's Cave, Wild Rose Press, Total-E-Bound and Cerridwen Press. Each day beginning December 8th and running through December 19th one of the twelve authors will tell what their "True love gave to them" on either their blog or website.Collect all twelve answers and e-mail them to anny@annycook.com with 12 days of Romance in the subject line to win some great books.
There will be three lucky winners.
The prizes –1st prize--6 books
3rd prize--2 books
All books and prize winners will be drawn randomly.
Tune in on December the 6th for complete details!
Anny Cook Winter Hearts
Sandra Cox Boji Stones
Bronwyn Green Ronan’s Grail
Heather Hiestand Cards Never Lie
Barbara Huffert Deal of a Lifetime
Amarinda Jones Mad About Mirabelle
Kelly Kirch Time for Love
Cindy Spencer Pape Cowboy’s Christmas Bride
Brynn Paulin Fallen
Jacquéline Roth Access Denied
KZ Snow Mrs. Claws
Lacey Thorn Earth Moves
Don't forget to stop by Kelly's blog at http://www.kkirch.blogspot.com/ for an interview with author S. L. Carpenter. And then pop over to Amarinda's blog at http://www.amarindajones.blogspot.com/ for her take on the Saga. Blessings on your day!
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Faces of Friendship
Friendship is the glue that holds the fabric of life together. On the darkest day or the brightest evening, friends are there to share the moments of your life. Big, small, boisterous or quiet. None are so special if a friend isn't present.
True friends teach you to cook when you're a new bride starving your shiny new husband to death. They take you grocery shopping, teach you about meats and spices, and carry the groceries up three flights of stairs. Thank you Dorian. My husband thanks you, too!
When you're tired from far too little sleep, depressed from far too little money, and overwhelmed by all the difficulties of dealing with "special" children, true friends show up to help you clean your house, or drop by with groceries to get you past the hump, or throw you a surprise shower for that totally unexpected fourth baby that's on the way. Thank you Elaine, Vicky, Bernie, and Marie.
The day comes when you are bleeding out and terrified of the surgery you need to save your life and on that day a true friend holds your hand and prays for your health and safety. Thank you Joyce B (TX). I never told you what that meant to me. Nor did I tell you what a wonderful gift it was when you invited my husband and kids for Thanksgiving so I could take that week of rest at my parents' home. I'm pretty sure you saved my sanity--and possibly my life.
Life moves one and so did my family. We lived in a strange new place with the life experiences time brings--both good and bad. And when the really bad times came three true friends held my hand through it all. I asked one of them when will I stop crying? And she said, "When you're ready." She was right, of course, because she'd been there. Thank you Joyce B (NY), Janice and Terry. It was worth it all in the end, wasn't it?
I moved again. Seems like I'm always moving on, leaving the wonderful friends behind. I met a new neighbor who took me into her heart. Isn't that a blessing? A true friend can say any darn thing to you because they trust you. Trust is a gift not to be lightly squandered or disrespected. I know that this friend will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. Thank you Jane.
I wrote a book and with a trembling heart sent it off to a publisher. When it was accepted, I was astonished and amazed. But my entire array of friends weren't. True friends share your excitement--even if they're uncomfortable reading what you wrote. Yes, they are and I respect that discomfort because they were honest about it. It pleases me that though they've never read a word I've written, they still ask how things are going. And they still celebrate the good reviews.
In the great ocean of writers, I'm a very small frog. Yet, I've been welcomed as though I occupied the biggest lily pad out there. Everyday I'm stunned by the wealth of information and advice that they willingly share. There are no geographical boundaries with the technological age...no time zones that matter. In the truest sense friendship is global. My newest friends span the globe--Egypt, Australia, New York, Michigan, Kansas, Indiana, California, and Hawaii. They patiently critique my writing with painful but true honesty because they want to see me present my best work. That is a priceless gift beyond measure. You know who you are. Yes, you do.
True friendship is buying and shipping Tim Tams (Australian cookies) across the globe, just because. It wasn't cheap (stop rolling your eyes, Amarinda! I saw the postage!), but that wasn't the important part. The important part was the just because. No birthday. No special day. Just because. Nothing says "special" more than that.
You could look at this list and say, what about the guys? Aren't there any guy friends? And what about family? Well, certainly in my lifetime, there have been some wonderful men who were there, usually going above and beyond any measure of responsibility. Orlando, Carroll, John, Gary, and Don. Life would have been so much tougher if you hadn't been there pitching in. Tracking down the new bride and groom who forgot about the rehearsal dinner. Dousing me with Coke when the battery blew up all over me. Packing (and moving) my daughter's entire apartment when she had to move overnight...
As for family... It is a blessed woman who's family are also friends. Such is not always the case. I am blessed past capacity--full measure and overflowing. Thank you, my friends, one and all.
Friendship of course is not a one way street. It is the give and take of support, sympathy, encouragement, love, laughter, and tears. It is a terrifying drive to the hospital in an emergency. It's a surprise anniversary party. It's a leisurely afternoon meal at a new restaurant. It's an encouraging word in the face of depression. Most of all, it's simply being there.
Anny
True friends teach you to cook when you're a new bride starving your shiny new husband to death. They take you grocery shopping, teach you about meats and spices, and carry the groceries up three flights of stairs. Thank you Dorian. My husband thanks you, too!
When you're tired from far too little sleep, depressed from far too little money, and overwhelmed by all the difficulties of dealing with "special" children, true friends show up to help you clean your house, or drop by with groceries to get you past the hump, or throw you a surprise shower for that totally unexpected fourth baby that's on the way. Thank you Elaine, Vicky, Bernie, and Marie.
The day comes when you are bleeding out and terrified of the surgery you need to save your life and on that day a true friend holds your hand and prays for your health and safety. Thank you Joyce B (TX). I never told you what that meant to me. Nor did I tell you what a wonderful gift it was when you invited my husband and kids for Thanksgiving so I could take that week of rest at my parents' home. I'm pretty sure you saved my sanity--and possibly my life.
Life moves one and so did my family. We lived in a strange new place with the life experiences time brings--both good and bad. And when the really bad times came three true friends held my hand through it all. I asked one of them when will I stop crying? And she said, "When you're ready." She was right, of course, because she'd been there. Thank you Joyce B (NY), Janice and Terry. It was worth it all in the end, wasn't it?
I moved again. Seems like I'm always moving on, leaving the wonderful friends behind. I met a new neighbor who took me into her heart. Isn't that a blessing? A true friend can say any darn thing to you because they trust you. Trust is a gift not to be lightly squandered or disrespected. I know that this friend will tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. Thank you Jane.
I wrote a book and with a trembling heart sent it off to a publisher. When it was accepted, I was astonished and amazed. But my entire array of friends weren't. True friends share your excitement--even if they're uncomfortable reading what you wrote. Yes, they are and I respect that discomfort because they were honest about it. It pleases me that though they've never read a word I've written, they still ask how things are going. And they still celebrate the good reviews.
In the great ocean of writers, I'm a very small frog. Yet, I've been welcomed as though I occupied the biggest lily pad out there. Everyday I'm stunned by the wealth of information and advice that they willingly share. There are no geographical boundaries with the technological age...no time zones that matter. In the truest sense friendship is global. My newest friends span the globe--Egypt, Australia, New York, Michigan, Kansas, Indiana, California, and Hawaii. They patiently critique my writing with painful but true honesty because they want to see me present my best work. That is a priceless gift beyond measure. You know who you are. Yes, you do.
True friendship is buying and shipping Tim Tams (Australian cookies) across the globe, just because. It wasn't cheap (stop rolling your eyes, Amarinda! I saw the postage!), but that wasn't the important part. The important part was the just because. No birthday. No special day. Just because. Nothing says "special" more than that.
You could look at this list and say, what about the guys? Aren't there any guy friends? And what about family? Well, certainly in my lifetime, there have been some wonderful men who were there, usually going above and beyond any measure of responsibility. Orlando, Carroll, John, Gary, and Don. Life would have been so much tougher if you hadn't been there pitching in. Tracking down the new bride and groom who forgot about the rehearsal dinner. Dousing me with Coke when the battery blew up all over me. Packing (and moving) my daughter's entire apartment when she had to move overnight...
As for family... It is a blessed woman who's family are also friends. Such is not always the case. I am blessed past capacity--full measure and overflowing. Thank you, my friends, one and all.
Friendship of course is not a one way street. It is the give and take of support, sympathy, encouragement, love, laughter, and tears. It is a terrifying drive to the hospital in an emergency. It's a surprise anniversary party. It's a leisurely afternoon meal at a new restaurant. It's an encouraging word in the face of depression. Most of all, it's simply being there.
Anny
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