Friday, December 28, 2007

You Can't Go Home

Every time I move, I go through the same process. You would think that I would eventually catch on, but apparently I'm a slow learner. Several years after the fact, I will make a pilgrimage to the "old" job, neighborhood, town only to finally realize that I have no place there.

I suppose it's almost like the grieving process. It'a a final acknowledgement that the separation is final. Weird. Intellectually, I've known for many years now that I would never really go back, but today, it really hit home. I was in a foreign land.

I went to my old place of employment to meet a former co-worker for lunch. During the period we worked together we knew each other so well we knew what size underwear the other one wore. We shared a job. When our department was between directors, my friend and I kept the department running. We shored each other up through some of our darkest personal days.

She's still my friend and always will be. But both of us have moved on with our lives. Both of us have experienced huge changes in the intervening years. Sadly, we've grown apart. Like separated spouses, we were vaguely uncomfortable with each other, wondering what to talk about. We no longer share common experiences.

I have moved frequently enough (forty one times) to know that this is the normal process. But each time it saddens me. That camaraderie is gone and I feel the loss. It diminished my spirit a bit to say good-bye, knowing that both of us were just a tad relieved that the visit was over.

My daughter asked if I was sorry that I arranged the visit. After a bit of thought, I can say, "No." I'm glad I went today. I'm glad that we had that short time together. If I grieve a little tonight, it isn't for the past, but for the future. Time grows shorter for both of us, each in our own little world. I rejoice for the time we had together...even knowing that I can't go home.


Kelly's on the road again, but may snatch a chance to update us, so check and Amarinda is practicing her gymnastics tumbles and so far she needs just a bit more practice so check her out at As always blessings on your day!


  1. I am a great believer in the fact you can never go back so I never do. I think you meet the people you do at a time when you're supposed to for a specific reason. Once the reason is sorted or fufilled then the same need to be with them is not there...yes, how very existential of me especially as i am talking about condoms on my blog...deep and meaningful that's me

  2. Oh Anny, that's so sad. I know it's an inevitable part of life, but it still makes me sad.

  3. I've done that; sometimes it is a sort of closure. Well said, Anny:)

  4. :( Well, guess that means onward and upward.