Friendly Obsolescence

The longer you live, the more friends you acquire. Over my lifetime, I've collected quite a few. But...that doesn't mean you keep them.

With a few exceptions, friends rotate through our lives, appearing, sharing experiences, and then moving on to be replaced by new friends. Sometimes a change in friends is due to new jobs or locations. Other times, the change is due to differing interests or life circumstances. None of these things are bad. It just is.

Quite frankly, most of us barely keep up with our family members, let alone a passel of friends. I believe we really only have two or three 'close' friends at one time. All others are somewhere on that second level of friendship. You're interested in their wellbeing and the accomplishments of their family members, you enjoy hearing from them, but they are not the first person you would call/write to share important news or in an emergency.

One of the things that has changed with the advent of social media is the flood of personal information pouring into the public purview. There are many situations aired on Facebook and Twitter that would never have been shared in the past with anyone except a very close friend or family member.

On one level, I wonder what the evolving role of the friend might be. If we share every intimate detail with our wide world of friends, then doesn't that reduce our friend to cheerleader, supporting us from the sidelines? Could this be why we have fewer true best friends and more casual acquaintances?

I don't know. But when an old friend reaches out to make the connection, I find it sad when we're reduced to sharing our most current information--and then moving on. It's the way of life. It still hurts.

anny

Burying the Hatchet

There are few things as awkward as mending a friendship when you feel you are in the wrong. One of those would be fixing something when you don't feel you're wrong.

The problem as I see it is point of view. What I might view as a relatively simple issue just might be something another individual feels very strongly about. What to do?

Humanity in general is a seething mass of individuals who all have their own personal lines in the sand. One person draws the line here. Another draws it way over there. And neither budges from their position.

There is also the matter of resilience. Some people are far more susceptible to hurt feelings and anguish than their fellows. No one is wrong. That's just the way humans work.

But because of those lines in the sand, those hurt feelings, those differing points of view, relationships sometimes have hidden booby traps, secret vulnerabilities that all parties aren't necessarily aware of. That's when one person can inadvertently hurt or anger the others.

There are possible solutions. I suppose it all depends on whether all parties are interested in burying the hatchet.

anny

Friendship Forever

I have several friends going through some terribly tough times right now. There are a lot of people going through bad times all over the world so I expect all of you have friends in the same types of situations. They need help or sometimes just a listening ear. Yet, they don't call or e-mail or post it on their blog.

Instead, this is what they say... I didn't want to bother anyone.

Here's the deal. In friendship, there is no bothering. Otherwise you wouldn't be friends, you know? Some people think that love is God's greatest gift. I think that's not quite right. I think friendship is his greatest gift. And if we're fortunate it turns into love--whether platonic or not.

I'm not talking about self-centered friendship here where you're only friends for what one of you can gain from the other. I'm talking about friendship where you know the other person well enough to tell them they're a pain in the ass. It's the kind of friendship where you can tell them their favorite dress is the ugliest piece of fabric on earth. Or that hair color makes them look like a hooker on main street.

When you have that kind of friendship, their pain is your pain and their sorrow is your sorrow. Inconvenience isn't even a word in your vocabulary because you would do whatever you could to smooth their path.

Huh. That sounds an awful lot like love.

anny

PS: Several of my friends have had birthdays in the last few weeks! So Happy Birthday to Jane, Cindy, and Rita! Many, many more!