Thirty years ago today...

Thirty years ago today I was not having much fun. Labor and delivery are never fun, no matter how many drugs they give you. In my case, though my water broke, there were no accompanying contractions or labor pains. Zip, zilch, nada. So the doc whistled up some meds to get things going.

Except that nothing happened. At fifteen minutes to twelve he came in, checked my progress, (still three centimeters) and announced that he'd reserved an OR for six p.m. as one way or the other, the baby had to be delivered that day. So I nodded my head and off he went to get lunch.

And immediately the first pain slammed into me like a freight train. I sent the househunk after the doc but he was too late. Doc was already on the elevator. So he went on down to the nurse's station and told the supervisor that I needed the doctor. She was there alone. I was the only patient on the floor (and clearly I wasn't doing anything interesting) so she sent the rest of the staff to lunch.

So she trotted down to my room needle and fresh gown in hand. The fresh gown was because mine was soaked (apparently I had been carting around a swimming pool in my belly) and the needle was to calm me down since clearly I was getting over-excited.

I rather pithily informed her that I wasn't over-excited. I was in labor, a totally different case--and the baby was coming now! When she still thought she ought to give me a shot, I told her to go get the doctor if she didn't want to deliver the baby herself. This was number four--not number one and I had just a tad of experience.

With an impatient sigh she told me that first we would get me warm and dry, then she would check to see how far along I was. So I peeled off the sodden gown, rolled over to get the tail of it out from under me and she shrieked. Oh my God, the baby's coming! Well, duh! She could see the baby's head.

What happened next defies belief. Remember. I don't have anything on at this point. Sheets and blankets are on the floor because she's gonna give me dry bedding. She ripped all the hook-ups for the fetal monitor, etc. out of the wall, released the brake on the bed and rolled me down the hall to the delivery room.

Stark naked.

The househunk is struggling to put on the gown that they insisted he wear in the delivery room, running down the hall with the sleeves flapping. People are standing in the doorways wondering what's going on.

In the delivery room she's yelling, "Don't push, don't push!" while she urging me over onto the delivery table. Then she runs down the end and says "Okay, push! I've got it!"

And that's how my daughter was born at 12:05 p.m... twenty minutes after my doctor checked me.

I bent the bed rails on the labor room bed badly enough that they had to be replaced. How do I know? The maintenance guy stopped by my room two days later to see what kind of giant had done that much damage. Needless to say, he was disappointed.

So my baby girl is thirty today. Time passes swiftly. But memories are forever.

Anny

Woo-hoo! On Friday, Kama Sutra Lovers will be released from Ellora's Cave. As part of the celebrations for our new releases, Amarinda and I are launching The Amarinda and Anny Contest

What could be better than kicking back with a good book? Winning two books - one from Amarinda Jones – Knock Three Times and one from Anny Cook – Kama Sutra Lovers. Fantastic. You want more? Be the envy of all with two hand made hair piks to adorn your locks. But wait – there’s even more! How about munching on a delicious care pack of Aussie treats? One lucky reader will win all of this.

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If trapped on a deserted island what two things could Anny and Amarinda not live without? The answers can be found on the websites. As soon as you have them email

amarinda_jones@yahoo.com.au with your answers – there will be 4 in all.

The contest starts 18^th July and closes midnight 23rd July 2008 (USA EST). The first correct entry drawn at random will win the prize. Good luck.